when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
