he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize