Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
