I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize