Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
