i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
