careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
