There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
