Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
