you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
