I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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