Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
