Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
