Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize