you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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