I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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