he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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