is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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