my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
