Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
