boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I came so hard my ears popped.
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