Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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