just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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