Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
