I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
worst night to have a conscience
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize