Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
