just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
