I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
