All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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