Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
