He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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