My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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