what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
