So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
