What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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