and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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