While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the day after is always just damage control
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
