WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
