I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the condom got lost in my hair
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
