i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
