his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
