im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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