someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Screwed.edu
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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