It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
