I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
