Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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