Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
