you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize