He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
