Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
