Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
