Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
