I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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