My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
