Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
