he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
