i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
