she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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