Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
