My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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