forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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