Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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