Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
