We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
