the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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