I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
