Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
