I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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