Your tits are I can't wait for
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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