My sheets look like a crime scene.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
