lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
there is glitter all over my balls
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
