girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
