wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
