I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
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