Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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