I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
