spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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