i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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