I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He has the fingertips of a God
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
