Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
