The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
