my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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