Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
