Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
