Grow some girl-balls and come out already
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's just like the Real World with babies
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
