i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I understand Curling. That high.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
