I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
whose parrot is this?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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