i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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