rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
