Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
