I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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